In The Beginning...

In the beginning God created the heavens and earth. He decided that it would be a good idea to create mankind and so created Adam and Eve to be fruitful and multiply. The only request he gave was for Adam and Eve was to not eat of the fruit from the tree of knowledge of good and evil. Well, here comes the serpent and we pretty much know the rest.

As Christians(or any other monotheistic believer), we go about life believing all things good are from God. Anything bad, we consider that the devil has had inevitably something to do with it. Good vs. Evil.

Easy, right? But what happens when what we are taught what is bad turns to something good and things aren't as black and white anymore? They're more...colorful than we once thought.

Back in February(2016), I was on my last legs with a relationship that was going nowhere and it was no longer a good thing for me. I was treated horribly by this man who claimed to love me. He was abusing me mentally, psychologically and verbally. It never turned into physical abuse but there was no love anymore. He never thought about consequences and maxed out my credit cards without my knowledge, worked on my car doing more damage than anything else to it, and would always leave

me alone all the time to do his own thing and be with his friends.

It was at this time that I turned to a couple of my friends and they in turn took me out to start making friends with other people to get my mind off the turmoil going on at home. I'm a homebody, so going out with random people was fairly new to me, but I was very excited to be doing something new with people who shared some common interests. During this, I ended up making a few friends who connected me with their friends and this is how I met Foxx.

A girl, who quickly became my best friend(Desi), introduced me to Kik and she created a group where she introduced me to some of her friends and vice versa. It was in this group that I met him, at first we didn't really talk but one night my ex was gone like so many nights before. I was bored and so started a conversation with this guy since we were the only ones online at the moment. We connected quickly and I ended up calling and talking to him for hours, it was fun, he was sweet.

We were instant friends and I would talk to him whenever my boyfriend decided to leave with his friends (my boyfriend was very jealous so I communicated to almost no one when he was around, not really even family). One night we were talking and we opened up a conversation about religion. He stated he was a Satanist and I didn't really believe my ears.

"You're a Satanist?" I questioned. Why is it that Christians (or at least in my head), always think that everyone is either a Christian or Atheist and we are stunned by any other answer? It's probably just me.

"Yes." Was his reply.

"I've never met a Satanist before." I do live in the bible belt. My body language shifted from open to a little bit more closed off. We are taught as kids that everything with the word Satan is instantly horrible. In my mind, he believed evil was good. Man, how narrow-minded I was. We continued to talk, I told him about my relationship with God, not preachy, but to share my side of things. I questioned his reasoning as to why he was a Satanist and what made him start to believe that way. He freely answered any questions I had and vice versa.

Being a Christian, I do hold some beliefs that most Christians would not agree with. Some probably wouldn't even consider me a Christian, some would say more spiritualist as I do not really believe in the bible. I believe in evolution, I believe in science. I believe putting facts and the supernatural side by side. I believe God is way too great to be able to have all his wisdom and feelings put in a language that we can understand.

We both told each other that we could never be together because we had too many differences and that it was great that we each had a friend in each other where nothing would ever get romantic in any way. Man, was I horribly wrong.

At the end of February, talking to Foxx and some other friends and leaning on them for support, I broke up with He Who Shall Not Be Named. It was on the day of deciding this monumental occasion that I decided it would be a good day to meet Foxx in person since he had really been the one to give me the strength to get out of that horrible relationship.

Desi joined me since I didn't want to meet him alone and she was already a friend of his. We decided to meet up at his hotel room which he kept as a permanent residence. At first, I sat awkwardly on the other bed with Desi after giving him a hug. We all started talking and eventually we fell into the groove that we had on the phone. Desi ducked out a little while after and left us by ourselves. I felt comfortable around him. When she left, we started talking about the end of my relationship and the hurt feelings that came with a bad break up. He held me and wiped my tears away. So many emotions were running through my soul that I just...kissed him. Just a little peck. He pecked me back. Then it happened again. We stopped and he just held me again. Midnight came and I excused myself, going home to someone who I no longer wanted to be with.

The next day was the blowout of the break up, where my ex was furious that I was breaking up with him when he didn't want to. I left to look at other apartments while he silently fumed, ignoring my existence. My first call was to Foxx.

"So, my morning is sucking right about now, do you wanna go help me look for apartments?" I needed someone near me to talk to.

"I'll be ready in a little bit, come pick me up and we will go." We ended up having lunch and then apartment hunting, my ex texting me to come home and talk all the while. I stuck to my ground and said I would be back later. Foxx and I bonded over music in the car.

We became really close and I could tell that the relationship was changing. He knew it was too. He was falling in love with me, but I stuck to my ground in the fact that I couldn't be with him. In my family, being with a Satanist would never be accepted.

A month went by and I was still stuck in the lease with my ex, all the while Foxx and I going back and forth on what we were to each other and were we more than just friends? We didn't have a physical relationship up to this point but he was feeling a little used. I was just happy that I'd found a best friend and I didn't want it to end. He wanted something more.

A week before the lease on my ex and I's apartment was done, he bailed and left since I was spending more time with friends and not with him(talk about a turn of events). The apartment was trashed since I'd been spending the night with Desi and Foxx(he had moved into her and her fiancé's duplex) and he left me to clean up all of his mess. What an ass.

Foxx got me through. He cleaned up my ex's mess with no complaint, listened to every scream and cry that came from my heart as it finally ripped open with the realization that a chapter in my life was over and that it'd never be the same again. While the pieces of my heart fell he was right next to me, picking them up before they touched any hardened surface and became hard themselves. He quieted my spirit and helped me feel better.

Two weeks passed and I'd moved in with Des, her fiancé Vinny and Foxx. We were happy, but after all he had done for me, helped me through and felt for me, he wanted more. He wanted a commitment, more than just being friends. I'd been torn in two. Do I stick to my original ideal? Do what I know my family would think is correct so as not to cause another heartbreak in knowing that they could possibly disown me? Or do I take this...angel (of darkness?) as my boyfriend? Throw caution to the wind. Do what I felt to be right for me in that moment even though I knew of the possible consequences?

After many tears and scenarios playing in my head, I said yes. Yes, I wanted to be with him. He felt so...right. It was not a decision that was pondered lightly. He had shown his love for me with everything he had done in our friendship, going above and beyond and showing me his character. He had dug himself a home in the darkest corners of my heart and made them come alive, opening up my soul. What did I get myself into? 

Black and white. Darkness and light. Demon and angel.

This is where our story begins.